i'm starting to find myself irritating ..
really really irritating

but she's still so nice to me ..
i think sooner or later she will ask me to shut up or something

but it's like
is my character really that .. flawed?
am i that really that irritating..?

maybe i am ..
or maybe it's jus me, being too harsh on myself again..


why do i like her so much
why ..
i can't find the reason

but i like every single thing about her .. really .. honestly .. seriously ..
except when she's cold to me, i don't like that ..

actually .. when has she been cold to me ? .. i think i'm jus typing random thing s.. i can't really remember such a thing..
argh, what the hell ..

even if she chooses to be cold to me, or to totally ignore me .. it would be justified ..

who the hell AM I
i jus barge into her life
and tell every single soul around her that i know, that i like her
i'm a mother fucker
the worst kind of guy who could exist
she has every right to hate me


but i do not want that
and she's like .. still so nice to me

i dun know
but i think i'm in love
for real



it's so conflicting though
my mind is so divided
so torn

half of me wants to love her
the other half says i have no right to


anyway, i'm so fucking ugly
i'm so ugly it's unreal
what the fuck have i been doing to myself
is my lifestyle really that dirty .. ?!?
why ....


i don't think she cares about looks though ..
so sweet .. ^_^



i really don't feel that i'm good enough for her
i don't dare to look at her
i don't dare to talk to her
all i do
is to turn my back to her
and walk away


hahz
running away is all i know huh ..
i'm so desperately trying to improve myself
i dun know
she has brought meaning to my life
and i do not wan to lose her by being such a big loser ..

i've lost enough things in my life jus b cos i am weak
no more
i don't care how or why

strength in character is what i will achieve
i like her
i really do
but my words
i do not trust my own words
i have made so many promises
only to break them again and again



in the end
right now
i feel that, i am not good enough for her, at all


i love u  ¶ 12:02 AM