random thoughts of life

Tuesday, May 04, 2004

i was never one to excel at things

maybe that's why i try so hard

my life in my entirety, isn't a pretty picture

maybe that's why i always wanted to make the ppl around me happi

but my stuttering can get quite bad at times
that's because i'm alone most of the time
quiet most of the time

watching movies alone never seemed wierd to me
eating alone is part of my everyday life
taking on group projects alone is .. well, like something i would do

i went through hell of alot of shit
i didn't realli realise that the self-mutilation, suicidal thoughts, extremely low self-esteem, prolonged periods of depression are actually "bad things" ..

i read about those things in the newspaper and i tink "omfg, there're ppl like me.. and it's quite a big deal to 'normal' ppl" ..

if my parents cared to find out about me
they'll probably send me to the under 19 ward in IMH

the real me is one that never smiled
even when i was young, i cried alot more than i can remember

i'm trying to change
when ppl around me frown, i get upset

i'm easily influenced
i'm jus some selfish loser trying to crave out some respectable niche for himself

i put ppl before me whenever possible
cos that's my way of repaying them
the angels on this earth who couldn't care less about looks

and to the ppl like that
i say
thank you

¶ 7:25 PM

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if my life is meant to be this screwed up .. why do i exist then

Ж 7th.the0ry Ж
Ж male Ж
Ж b+ Ж
Ж free-thinker Ж
Ж 172cm Ж
Ж 59kg Ж

Ж Application Consultant Ж
Ж 35th singapore combat engineers (bridging) Ж
Ж boatman Ж
Ж ORD 060208 Ж

Ж flawed Ж
Ж cynical Ж
Ж hypocritical Ж
Ж extreme self hatred Ж
Ж liar Ж
Ж indecisive most of the time Ж
Ж is a mother flower Ж

wish list
---------
- money
- general fitness
- travel the world
- someone to love

a normal family
~~-my diploma~~
-ORD !!!
-part time job
-no more injuries
-caffeine addiction to be cured (this is going to be damn hard..)
~~coke is my poison, why should i cure it? what am i thinking ..

-class 2b license
-honda SP-150 (FY Plate preferred, 2nd hand, stock colour)
~~-won't tio guards in army~~
~~got posted to combat engineers

-t shirts with funny messages
-black formal suit with pants
-black plain button shirts
-new jeans
-new boxers !!!
~~-leg weights~~
~~run can liao
~~-wrist guards~~
~~-knee guards~~
~~-silver for NAFPA~~
~~-MotoRawR V3 Black~~
~~~~has access to a MotoRawR V3i now~~
~~using iphone 3GS now, i dun even like it, bleh

-new desktop/laptop ?
.P4 duo-core 3.2ghz
.2gb RAM
.any mid range PCI-E card will do
~~.750 gig HD !~~
~~1 TB HD
.router ..
~~-everyone to complete their FYP/IPP/Academic semester smoothly~~
-people around me to feel be happy.. ^^

last updated on 16th dec 2006 :: 9.05pm
last last updated on 5th jun 2010 :: 11.37am

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